So You Think You Can Doula?

Well, yes, I think I can.

I have always been intrigued with childbirth. I remember being sick one day and instead of staying home from school, I went to work with my mom. She worked in the county health department--great place to take a sick kid! Anyway, one of the nurses let me watch a film called "The Story of Eric". Turns out, it was a 34 minute color documentary that follows a young mother through her first childbearing experience to help educate parents about the Lamaze method of childbirth.

It kind of freaked me out at the time because it showed, full-on, a live human birth. At the age of probably 8 or 9, I'm not so sure I was really ready to see that. But from that day on, I was hooked on the miracle of it all.

I had wonderful pregnancy, childbirth and delivery experiences. I had a great support system in Big Joz. Unfortunately, some women aren't that fortunate.

I learned during the time I was caring for my Grandpa that I really do believe I'm a good caretaker, moreso during times of more "need" or even stress... I can handle the tougher stuff pretty well, I think.

The thought of becoming a doula is a relatively new one, meaning that I haven't grown up thinking about it. But in the last few months, several factors have played into what's become my decision to purse doula certification.

My biological clock has been ticking... loudly... for at least a couple of years. Given that I had my tubes tied, cut, burnt, etc. 15 years ago, I ain't havin' no more babies!! I did, however, give serious thought to having my tubal reversed. Big Joz never really thought that was a great idea, however. And in all honesty, the thought of going through potty training again... YUK!!

With Bud graduating from high school this spring and looking ahead to his future, there have been lots of discussions about "what to do with your life". I remember when I was his age, I gave a lot of thought into wanting to pursue a career in culinary arts. Yes, I wanted to go to cooking school. Seemed a great thing to do... except that it was VERY expensive, it was VERY far away from home and no one had ever done anything like that before. Well, no one I knew. No one from my little town. So, I didn't. I chose the path more traveled and went to regular college like everyone else. When Bud and I went to register him for college, I began to wonder if it was too late for me to try something new.

Last December when my Chocolate Lab safely delivered 10 beautiful, healthy puppies, I very much felt like I couldn't do enough for her to help her with her own miracle of birth. I felt like Hershey and I did a great job together!

Given my love of babies and everything that goes along with getting them here and given my thought that I CAN be a good caretaker, why not try this doula thing?

I LOVE my current job as a church secretary... can't imagine not being here. So I'm not looking to replace my job or my income by any means, I just want to try something that will allow me to help other women have the same positive childbirth and labor experiences I did. I want to be a support for other mothers. I want to help babies come into the world.

So, it's Wednesday. Sunday night, I joined DONA (Doulas of North America) International. Monday, I ordered four of the five required reading books (the 5th one wasn't available at the time). I also ordered my certification packet on Monday; it contains all the forms I'll need to complete to become a certified doula. Yesterday, I registered for the required childbirth class, the Doula workshop and the breastfeeding classes that are all requirements as well. I'm well on my way, I guess... I just need to find some expectant moms who are willing to allow me to attend their births now...

Family reactions to my doula-ism has been interesting. Big Joz listened, then asked several questions--several really good questions. After I answered them as honestly as I knew how at the time, he told me he thought I would be a good doula. Bud and Pud? They don't want to know a thing about it... it's gross!

When I called my dad to tell him I was going to become a doula, he, of course, had no idea what a doula is, so I explained to him that I would provide non-medical support to an expectant mother during childbirth and delivery. He still didn't quite get it. I then told him that I was going to be like Mama (his paternal grandmother). Mama was called a "midwife", although she had no medical training... she probably attended more births during her time than the local doctors! If only I could be adored as Mama was! Oh, Daddy did say he'd love to know more about the breastfeeding class.

My Mimi (Daddy's mother) seemed to be very pleased when I told her about my plans. She assured me that she knew I would be successful at anything I set my mind to. She saw the care I gave Grandpa; she knows how I love babies. Her blessing is very important to me.

Mother? Well, she thinks I'm going to medical school because I'm pregnant....

Laundry Rules

PAJAMAS—Do not put pajamas in the dirty clothes after only one wear. It is a scientific fact that you do not get dirty while you sleep. Pajamas can be worn many times before they smell bad enough to warrant being thrown in the dirty clothes. Exception: You may put pajamas in the dirty clothes if you throw up on them or something else that may be deemed disgusting, but only if they stink. When you get dressed in the mornings, fold your pajamas and put them back in the drawer—make it a habit.

SOCKS—Unroll them and turn them right side out before putting them in the dirty clothes. Otherwise, I will wash and dry them in their original rolled up little balls. By the way, they do not actually get clean in this way.

HANGING CLOTHES—Clean clothes can be easily removed from the clothes rod by gently lifting up on the hanger and pulling towards you. The wrong way to remove clean clothes is to yank on one corner of the garment. This causes the hanger to go flying around the clothes rod, becoming impossibly entangled with the neighboring hangers. If a hanger happens to fall to the bottom of the closet floor, do not leave it there; hang it on your bedroom doorknob if you can’t reach the clothes rod.

SORTING DIRTY CLOTHES—When you so nicely bring your clothes to the laundry room to sort, be sure and actually put them in the laundry baskets that are provided for you. Don’t merely throw them in the general vicinity of the correct basket; make sure they’re all the way inside that basket.

POCKETS—Empty your own pockets before you put dirty clothes in the laundry. Any money found later will be claimed by the laundress (Mom) and will not be returned to the rightful owner. Same goes for candy, wrappers, toys, etc—to the trash it goes.

FOLDED CLOTHES—When those clean clothes miraculously appear on your bed or chair, graciously thank the saintly person who lovingly placed them there and put them away!

LAUNDRY SHARING—In the future, each of you will be asked to help do about one load of laundry a week. Instructions will be provided. Mom feels that the joy of this chore should be shared, and she’s been very selfish about this in the past. She also feels that this is a necessary life skill, and without it you may not ever want to leave home. This would not be in the best interest of any family members.

Rules may be added or modified at any time by Mom.

I, ____________________, agree to abide by the above rules, as I actually have no choice in the matter and do not wish to further anger Mom.
I, ____________________, agree to abide by the above rules, as I actually have no choice in the matter and do not wish to further anger Mom.

March 18, 2002

Heavy Heart

Last night was tough at our house... and today, I've had a very heavy heart.

When I got home from work, I let Hershey, our Chocolate Lab, and the puppies out to potty. The puppies are Peanut and Luke, two of the puppies she gave birth to seven weeks ago today; and also Brenda, now known as Rosetta who we have been puppysitting for. Brenda/Rosetta is a sister to Peanut and Luke.

Hershey trotted right out the gate; the puppies tried to follow suit, but I headed them off and closed the gate so they wouldn't escape. I came back in the house and proceeded to fix a nice Valentine's meal for my family.

Big Joz got home around 6:15 and one of the first questions he asked me was where his brown dog was. I told him that I had let her out earlier but, come to think of it, hadn't seen her since. It was unusual for her not to go running to greet his truck when he pulled up.

We ate supper on the couch and a couple of different times talked about where Hershey might be. We were watching the Westminster Dog Show on tv. Bud and Pud wanted to try out the new yogurt place in town that was having its grand opening, so I gave them my debit card and off they went. They returned about 8:30.

Bud ran in the house screaming something about Hershey. My gut told me something was bad wrong... I thought she had been attacked by another animal and that her wounded body must be laying in the driveway. It took me a second to take in what had happened.

Big Joz fumbled to get her collar off so he could remove her cold, stiff body from the picket fence. Cold? Stiff? How long had she been there??

Big Joz laid her on the driveway and I noticed a little blood; her eyes were still open. I had hope that she really wasn't gone.

Hershey had tried to jump over the fence, back into the back yard. I'll never know what time it happened... I never heard a thing. She didn't make it over the fence; her collar got hung on one of the pickets. She must have struggled hard... the pickets on either side of where she hung had been chewed in half. She tried to set herself free... but she couldn't get to the picket that was holding her up. In the daylight, I saw the scratch and claw marks on the fence. My heart just broke. Our sweet "Bwown Dod" had struggled for her life... right outside our back door.

Big Joz laid beside his faithful friend and cried like a baby as he held her. My heart just ached for him. I asked him what we were going to do with her and he said he was going to bury her in the woods, up the hill beside the driveway, a place where she and Ben spent lots of time running around and frolicking. I asked if he needed any help and he just shook his head no. He got a shovel and headed into the woods. Moments later, I saw Bud headed up the hill with a shovel in his hand... he was going to help his dad.

I went inside and got the sleeping bag that had been in the whelping box with Hershey and her babies just weeks before. I took it outside and stretched it out to wrap her up in. Big Joz carefully laid her on the sleeping bag and we began to roll her up... Ben kept poking his head in the bundle, as if he couldn't figure out why we would be wrapping her up. Big Joz laid her in the grave he and Bud had dug for her and, again, Ben acted like he just couldn't figure out what we were doing. Big Joz laid her collar on her and we all cried as he and Bud filled in the grave.

My children had never buried a pet. They don't remember Annabel. Big Joz gave her to me for my birthday the first year we were married. She died five years later, on my birthday.

I asked God to watch over our "Bwown Dod" and we all cried. Ben didn't want to leave her.

We all have felt guilt... I was the one who closed the gate. I was the one who didn't hear her struggle. When Big Joz came home from work, he walked right past where she had been. I know she must have been there then, because if she hadn't, she wouldn't have come running. If she had still been alive, he would have heard or seen her struggling. When Bud came home, he took the trash can down and returned the recycling bin to its place... right beside where she had been. He never saw her either. She was dark brown... against the reddish brown fence... it was dark outside. It was understandable. I think Pud's guilty feelings come from her always saying she never liked Hershey... I think she was simply jealous--Pud's daddy really loved Hershey and Pud didn't want to share!

I'm going to miss her. The way she always made a huge mess when she ate because she was always in a hurry; the way she lifted the toilet lids and drank out of the toilets; the way she loved her kennel before the puppies were born; the way she hogged the foot of the bed after the babies were born; the way she would bark when she didn't know why she was barking... she simply barked because Ben did; the way she'd jump in Big Joz's truck when she was ready to go somewhere; the way she'd jump in my car when she was very pregnant with the puppies so she wouldn't have to stay by herself; the way she was SUCH an attention whore... if ANYONE was getting love, she had to make sure she got her share as well; the way Ben would trick her to go outside so she'd leave him alone. There's so much I'm going to miss.

Hershey, we were blessed to have you in our family these last 13 1/2 months. I hope you knew how much you were loved.

Valentine Surprise

When I woke up and stumbled into the bathroom this morning, on my vanity laid a hot pink piece of paper, folded in half, with a white sheet of paper folded inside it. On the outside was written "Mom" with a heart drawn beside it and "Happy Valentine's Day!" underneath it.

What was this? A handwritten valentine from one of my children?

Inside, in my daughter's teenage handwriting:

Happy Valentine's Day!

Mom, on valetine's day I am reminded
that no one in my life
gives more love than you do.
You care so deeply and give so much;
without you,
I couldn't be the person I am.
Your encouragement and support
make everything possible,
because I know
you'll always be there for me,
to cheer me up, to comfort me,
to give me a boost when I need it.
On valentine's day, I want you to know
that I love you, I appreciate you, and
I am so blessed that you are
my mother! have a Great Day.

My Valentine's Day is complete... my daughter loves me...

Thinking of a friend

Wrote this today to a friend and found it extremely cathartic...

Last August when Grandpa went in the hospital, I knew he was dying. I chose to be a part of the process, to help him (and me) with the transition. I spent every night in the hospital with him, and every night in the nursing home when I was "home" once he was moved there. Anyway, during that time I was with him, I made sure he knew how much I loved him and respected him, and also how much I was going to miss him. We talked about what life would be like without him. And I promise you, it's hard. I have tears running down my face right now just thinking about it.

During that time, I learned a lot about myself. I knew what I was capable of and what others expected of me. Mimi was physically and emotionally exhausted. Daddy & my uncle were more or less removed from the situation. My brothers knew they could depend on me to do any and everything. I gladly did all I could for the first man I ever loved.

Believe me, helping him use a bedpan and bedside urinal were definitely difficult at first. Having to help clean him up after he had soiled the bed was uncomfortable in the beginning. All his dignity was gone, but he knew he had my respect... that mutual understanding got us both through a lot.

When he didn't want to go to the dining room to eat, I made a big fuss over encouraging him to do that, because I knew the old Grandpa needed that interaction with other people. And once he got there, he enjoyed himself. I encouraged him to eat, I encouraged him to laugh, and I encouraged him to face what was coming head on.

I was with him when he died... I felt such a peace... I was very surprised at how I handled myself then and in the coming days. I stayed with him until the funeral home picked him up; I was the one who suggested we go ahead and clean out his room so that we wouldn't have to go back. At the funeral home, Daddy and my uncle looked to me to answer all the details and pick out what we wanted. At the flower shop, they once again depended on me to handle everything. Mimi had already asked me to speak at his funeral. Even in the days (and months) that have followed, my "job" wasn't over... I wrote all the thank you notes for the flowers, food, memorials, etc. I helped Mimi get all legal stuff taken care of; I cleaned out his bedroom and closet.

Not only did I do it all, I did it well. I know that I was able to do all that I did for one main reason: I knew I had others depending on me to be the strong one; I felt very honored that I was the "chosen" one.

I'm a Little Behind

Funny, when I read that title again, it makes me think that I'm trying to say I'm a small ass. I really just mean to say that it's been entirely too long since I've posted here. Lots of things have taken place since my last entry... and I really need to remedy that. I KNOW you miss hearing from me!

For now, here's a quick rundown of updates:

I have become a surrogate mother to 10 puppies.
A one-year old stitch has been removed from my breast.
My 85-year-old grandmother is on Facebook.
Pud has posed "half-naked" for a strange man/fashion photographer from South Beach.
Bud wants to join the Marines.
Big Joz has found the Lord.
Mother has a new lease on life, thanks to a combo pacemaker/defibrillator.
My father is engaged yet again.
The half-breed still lives with us.

One thing that hasn't changed... I still live and enjoy a crazy and blessed life! Happy 2011!

Day 9 of thanks and blessings...

Today, I am thankful for a baby in my office! Michael's daddy brought him to work today and Tom had to go do preacher stuff, so, lucky for me... Michael gets to stay with Mama Joz. I am in heaven!!

Day 8 of thanks and blessings...

Today, I am thankful for my LeCreuset Dutch Oven... those ox tails you helped me make for supper tonight were amazing!

Day 6 of thanks and blessings...

Today I am thankful that I was able to help charity, and not BE one. My day started out at the Belk Charity Sale (where I helped a charaity by purchasing two tickets, then made a nice purchase); bought cheese to help prevent child abuse and went to Empty Bowls where I got two awesome p...ottery bowls and soup to help end hunger. Great feel-good day!See More

Day 5 of thanks and blessings...

Today I am thankful that my son didn't completely let the deadline escape him for ordering graduation announcements and paraphernalia... at 7:10 this morning he announced that noon was the order deadline... and he needed to leave by 7:25. Thanks son!