Thinking of a friend

Wrote this today to a friend and found it extremely cathartic...

Last August when Grandpa went in the hospital, I knew he was dying. I chose to be a part of the process, to help him (and me) with the transition. I spent every night in the hospital with him, and every night in the nursing home when I was "home" once he was moved there. Anyway, during that time I was with him, I made sure he knew how much I loved him and respected him, and also how much I was going to miss him. We talked about what life would be like without him. And I promise you, it's hard. I have tears running down my face right now just thinking about it.

During that time, I learned a lot about myself. I knew what I was capable of and what others expected of me. Mimi was physically and emotionally exhausted. Daddy & my uncle were more or less removed from the situation. My brothers knew they could depend on me to do any and everything. I gladly did all I could for the first man I ever loved.

Believe me, helping him use a bedpan and bedside urinal were definitely difficult at first. Having to help clean him up after he had soiled the bed was uncomfortable in the beginning. All his dignity was gone, but he knew he had my respect... that mutual understanding got us both through a lot.

When he didn't want to go to the dining room to eat, I made a big fuss over encouraging him to do that, because I knew the old Grandpa needed that interaction with other people. And once he got there, he enjoyed himself. I encouraged him to eat, I encouraged him to laugh, and I encouraged him to face what was coming head on.

I was with him when he died... I felt such a peace... I was very surprised at how I handled myself then and in the coming days. I stayed with him until the funeral home picked him up; I was the one who suggested we go ahead and clean out his room so that we wouldn't have to go back. At the funeral home, Daddy and my uncle looked to me to answer all the details and pick out what we wanted. At the flower shop, they once again depended on me to handle everything. Mimi had already asked me to speak at his funeral. Even in the days (and months) that have followed, my "job" wasn't over... I wrote all the thank you notes for the flowers, food, memorials, etc. I helped Mimi get all legal stuff taken care of; I cleaned out his bedroom and closet.

Not only did I do it all, I did it well. I know that I was able to do all that I did for one main reason: I knew I had others depending on me to be the strong one; I felt very honored that I was the "chosen" one.

I'm a Little Behind

Funny, when I read that title again, it makes me think that I'm trying to say I'm a small ass. I really just mean to say that it's been entirely too long since I've posted here. Lots of things have taken place since my last entry... and I really need to remedy that. I KNOW you miss hearing from me!

For now, here's a quick rundown of updates:

I have become a surrogate mother to 10 puppies.
A one-year old stitch has been removed from my breast.
My 85-year-old grandmother is on Facebook.
Pud has posed "half-naked" for a strange man/fashion photographer from South Beach.
Bud wants to join the Marines.
Big Joz has found the Lord.
Mother has a new lease on life, thanks to a combo pacemaker/defibrillator.
My father is engaged yet again.
The half-breed still lives with us.

One thing that hasn't changed... I still live and enjoy a crazy and blessed life! Happy 2011!