I'm 42... Elvis died at 42.

I do my best thinking in the shower. This morning I was thinking about today being my Grandpa's birthday. And then I thought about him being gone and what I remember about him. Then... it dawned on me--Elvis was 42 when he died; the same age I am now! He was an icon; a legend! Look at all he accomplished in his lifetime, the name he made for himself. "What name have I made for myself?", I wondered.

How will I be remembered? Simply, I want to be remembered as a GOOD person.

* a GOOD daughter who, more often than not, doesn't have the patience for her mother but delights in sharing crazy (but true) stories about her.

* a GOOD daughter who lovingly and patiently cared for her father when he was so ill--a man she had never been close to growing up, but longed for his attention.

* a GOOD granddaughter who feels that she owes so much to the two people she could always count on for unconditional love... she'll never be able to show them the love she was always given.

* a GOOD mother who, despite trying her best, mostly feels like a failure.

* a GOOD wife, whose husband no longer wants to be married to her.

Who am I? What will my legacy truly be? Will I be remembered as a selfish, spoiled bitch... really? I've tried to be a GOOD person; I really have. But so often, I feel as if I've fallen short too many times.

And so, the waiting begins...

How can it be so hard to sign one's name? I did that yesterday. Big Joz did too. The final paperwork for our divorce has now been filed. Mississippi has a mandatory 60-day waiting period... then our 21 1/2 marriage will end.

Fudge Pie

One of my goals this year is to try a new recipe every week and blog about it. So, here is week #1.

My mother and Mimi have made this pie ever since I can remember... and I've always loved it! Mimi made one of these for both Thanksgiving and Christmas and I failed to get a piece both times! Since I've been craving it, I decided to try and make one, even though I've tried before. I failed before; it separated. I asked Mimi what I did wrong and she said I overbeat it.

Take 2, last night:

Fudge Pie

1 unbaked 9” pie shell
1 stick butter
2 sq. unsweetened chocolate
4 eggs
1 ½ c. sugar
3 T light corn syrup
1 tsp. vanilla
¼ tsp. salt

In saucepan, melt butter and chocolate together over very low heat. With rotary beater, beat in rest of the ingredients until just blended. Pour into unbaked pie shell. Bake in 350° oven for 30 to 35 minutes or until knife inserted halfway between center and edges comes out clean. Do not overbake. Pie should shake a little in center like custard so it will not be too stiff when cool. Cool pie thoroughly before cutting.

Results: I can't get this "beating/blending" down pat; it separated again. The top should have a very smooth, glass-like look to it. Mine didn't. It looked a little bumpy. After it cooled completely, I cut into it. Again, separation occured. Dang. So what I ended up with was a pecan pie filling goo at the bottom with the chocolate on top.

What did I do wrong? I mixed all the other ingredients together in a glass batter bowl with a whisk while the chocolate and butter were melting. I was careful to just blend. Then, when the melted chocolate mixture was ready, I poured it into the other and carefully whisked until just mixed.

I called Mimi this morning. She said I overbeat it. What?? I was very careful (I thought). Also, I shouldn't mix or stir ANYTHING until it's all in the saucepan together. So... I'll try again. But, for the record, it did taste good, it just looked odd.