Tammy The Trainer

This morning was a little different than my other mornings have been.

In an effort to not look like I do right now on my 40th birthday (which is January 29, 2010--mark your calendars now so you won't forget!), I have taken the personal trainer plunge. Seeing as how I'm unemployed and broke, I thought this was a smart move on my part.

Got to bed late last night and was up early this morning...little drizzling rain action going on, so of course, after the kids are off to school, what do I want to do? Go back to bed!!

However, I reluctantly go to my first scheduled visit with "Tammy the Trainer". She seemed nice enough...until she started abusing my body. Here's how it went down:

I started on the treadmill, going really fast and really steep...you know, like I almost have to run...uphill...for a whole FIVE minutes!

Then I have to go do some stuff on the "Smith Machine". The Smith Machine is not my friend. I do push ups, pull ups and all kinds of stuff on it.

After that comes squat lunge things. I look really ignorant, I'm quite certain, but Tammy the Trainer says I have great form. After my legs feel like jello, I do the elliptical for another five minutes.

Then back to more things that make me look stupid, only now with a big bouncy ball. I would prefer to just sit and bounce on it, but Tammy the Trainer says crunches would work my abs a little more, so I do some of those, then each side, then back to the middle.

At some point, I go do the bicycle...thank God--it's easy! Oh no, Tammy the Trainer jacks that thing up too! At the end of the 45 minute cruel and unusual punishment mission, I use some weights and squat, then reach to the side, squat, then reach to the other side. At this point, I collapse in the floor, then it's over.

So, here's what I've learned from Tammy the Trainer...I'm an Apple; she's a Pear. I have great calves. She has beautiful white teeth and beautiful red hair. And she's out to kill me.